creating a life you love


An Invitation

You can create a life you love… right here, right now.

You’re going to work with the raw material of your life… exactly as it is.

Start with a willingness to practice creating moments of
Peace, Joy, Empowerment, And love… in each day.

What would that look like?
What is peace? Joy? Empowerment? Love?
How does one live those qualities?

Peace is a deep inner quiet we each have within us, that can be accessed anywhere, any
time, by briefly pausing, breathing deeply and allowing one’s self to be still.

Joy is the exuberant feeling that comes from being aware and awake to the small miracles
and wonder of life in each moment.

Empowerment is recognizing one’s ability to take action, and taking action.

Love is making a choice in this moment to support one’s divine potential or that of
another with kindness and compassion. Love is not an adjective, it is a verb.

You can create a life you love by bringing these qualities to the circumstances of your life
as they are now. All you need is a sincere “yes” to yourself… and a daybook…

A daybook can be on your phone, I-pad, computer. It can be a big beautiful journal or a
little notepad that can be carried easily in a pocket or purse. It can be a graphic journal
where you draw instead of write.

Each day just take a moment to record:

When today did I create a moment of peace?
When today did I create a moment of joy?
When today did I create a moment of empowerment?
When today did I create a moment of love?

As you begin doing this right here, right now… your life will change and you will begin
creating a life you love.

 

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Chapter 0

Overcoming Obstacles

 “There’s a door you can walk through that used to be a wall.” –Prince

4-sunriseferryIt’s early morning and I’ve just driven off the Vashon Island ferry in Washington State. The Puget Sound is a silver mirror for the towering dark evergreens. An amber glow in the sky provides a mysterious backdrop for the sharp, snowy peaks of the Cascade Mountains.

Weathered Christmas wreathes still hang from the lamp posts in the little town of Vashon. As I walk into La Boucherie, the butcher shop and gourmet restaurant where my daughter Rose spends much of her time, a brass bell rings. I glance down and notice it is one of the Christmas bells that belonged to my father. Tears fill my eyes at such a sentimental greeting and a fleeting sense of his presence.

Screen shot 2015-01-19 at 12.11.35 PMAnd then my tall, dark-haired Rose, in butcher apron and work boots, is rushing into my embrace. “Mommy,” she calls out and nuzzles her nose into the hair against my neck, her arms wrapped tightly around me. Though my ‘baby’ is now 24, I am still ‘Mommy,” and I adore that!

I have come to take a needed respite from the ‘sea of human suffering’ in which I swim each workday as a therapist. And I have found an island of refuge! Rose leads me to a counter top where she is in the process of making Mortadella; an Italian meat dish. Prince’s new album is playing. Rose and I pause to dance for a few moments.

It’s been a rough week, replete with invisible barriers that seem to block progress with my new year’s 281948_4681608323353_1365105319_ngoals, despite my efforts. I feel unorganized, behind, running to catch up with my own life…but not here on Vashon with Rose and her enthusiasm. I am inspired by her invincible desire to be in the driver’s seat of her life. Just two years ago she was mostly bottling milk, making cheese, and working at the market for Sea Breeze farms.

Now she helps butcher the animals, runs the restaurant, organizes the ‘farm to table’ five-course dinners, and is going to Italy in two months to attend a cheese-making seminar.

We gab the morning away. Afternoon offers me a few hours all to myself. I walk along serene country snow-wallpapers-winter-country-road-wallpaper-34905roads and reflect on my life. As I’ve written in previous articles, I have been trying to work on a memoir and have been offered assistance in getting an agent by a friend in the industry. The first few weeks of the new year have left me questioning my ability to complete such a major undertaking at this time, but I also feel urgency about using the rest of my life to live true to my deep desires.

A few days earlier I had a discussion with my husband, Brian. “I have felt strongly about this book, but now I am questioning myself,” I told him. “I’m wondering if it is realistic. I’m feeling some despair that it might not be. I’m not sure what to do.”

He is a wise man and knows me well.

“What if you were kind and gentle with yourself around this?” he asked. “Maybe patience with the process is what your life is asking for right now.”

He reminded me that our work and desires are indeed processes that often unfold over a long period of time. And he shared with me a sense he had that what is holding me back perhaps has less to do with the everyday responsibilities of my life and more to do with something inside of myself.

I pondered this as I walked into Vashon Bookshop in town a bit late. Rose had given me a store gift-card 51INpqSRKELfor Christmas. I perused the shelves for a few minutes, noticing possibilities, and then my attention was immediately captured by a new book on display: Your Life is a Book, How to Craft and Publish Your Memoir by Brenda Peterson and Sarah Jane Freymann. I opened its covers and had a ‘God is aware of me’ moment.

There was the path laid out for me in friendly, welcoming chapters such as “Start Anywhere,” “Follow the Thread,” “Showing Up,” “Field Notes on Your Life,” and “Finding Your Own Voice.” Just reading the table of contents felt like a brief instruction guide for overcoming the obstacles to writing that perhaps I am creating myself!

The guideposts in the book are not only helpful for me in getting through the obstacles to writing my memoir, but they can also be applied to any obstacle we may be trying to overcome in life.

Let’s start with “Start Anywhere.”

In my work as a therapist, I find that clients often feel an urgency to have you know their whole story and understand what the problem is in the first session. What they don’t yet know is that they can start anywhere and will always end up where they need to be. It can be very challenging to give ourselves permission to just start right where we are. But it also simplifies life.

redthread“Following the Thread” can mean trusting the process. “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward,” Apple founder Steve Jobs said in a commencement address at Stanford University. “So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

The most powerful tool we have in following the thread is trust of our own intuition. Don’t discount the still small voice within you. Listen to it!

“Showing Up” just means doing something, anything, to get around the obstacle. Make a phone call. Ask for help. Sit down and work on the task or problem. I find that the biggest obstacle to this step exists right inside my own head! I have an ongoing story about how hard writing is. How perfect it needs to be. How this! How that! But guess what? I can hear the noise and write anyway! Then I discover the writing has a life of its own, like any goal, desire, or creative project.

fieldnotes“Field Notes on Our Lives” and “Finding Our Own Voice” have similarities. One thing I am good at is carrying a notebook everywhere I go. When a thought comes, I write it down. This is how most of my articles start. And by writing down what I think and what I notice, I learn about who I am, what matters to me, and what I have to say. Our voice is already there, inside of us. Our job is to create a space where it is welcomed, a place we can tell ourselves our deepest truth – one of the most empowering ways to overcome an obstacle. Often it’s a difficult truth, but truth, no matter how searing, is always freeing because it acknowledges what really is.

Obstacles are often empowered by the story we tell ourselves about them. As I was struggling how to end this article I happened to turn my head and noticed the cover of a small notebook I have been using for my thoughts and observations. It reads: “She believed she could, so she did!”

©2012 Tamera Smith Allred. All rights reserved.
Chapter 0

Live a Life You Love

Dear Readers, Today I am posting my article on New Year’s Goals from last year.  At the end of the article is a second short article called, The Story Behind the Story, that offers the result of the intentions I set a year ago! “I dwell in possibility.”—Emily Dickinson I dragged into the New Year with a raging cold.  The first few days of January usually find me reflecting on the past year – what I have learned, progress and...

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Chapter 0

What Is Essential

In quiet moments…you recognize what is critically important in life and what isn’t…don’t crowd out that which is essential.” -Richard G. Scott             A year ago, this month, my 24-year-old daughter Rose lost her best friend. Just writing that line thrusts a tight ball of grief to my throat.  My eyes tear up and I am overcome by the memory of that utter tragedy—a lovely, kind, 23-year-old wife and...

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Chapter 0

Setbacks and Success

“What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I’d done something I shouldn’t have? . . . What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn’t have done was what also had got me here? –Cheryl Strayed, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail The day after Christmas we took down the tree.  I was sorry to see the twinkling white lights and sentimental ornaments...

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